Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
