i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
