woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
