I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
