I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
