you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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