Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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