my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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