I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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