Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
