HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
