Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
