VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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