i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
