just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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