he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Success! We fucked roommates!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
