I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So here I am, sexting at work.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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