Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
