Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
foreskin is a definite game changer
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
