we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
