drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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