So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
