If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
