you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
