when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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