Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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