I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
