I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
