im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize