my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
