its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
