she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
