you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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