I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
