Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
