well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
