U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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