Your mouth is God's brothel.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
