I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
