What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
