I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
