I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
