you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
