arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
