if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
