She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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