i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
