I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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