Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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