Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
