you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
