We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
