Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
