Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
