I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
