Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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