Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
