my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
