Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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