I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
