Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
