Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
