Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
