Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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