I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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