Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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