I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
