Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to cum in my sink.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
