i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
