Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
