Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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