Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
