a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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