i just had sex bonerless
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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