it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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